The Challenge of Eping...

This is where I get totally real (not that I am not usually real...but when it comes to negative feelings I try to put on a happy face...more for myself than for anyone else).  I am 4 months into pumping and bottle feeding, 2 months in without trying to nurse anymore.  My first short term goal was 3 months...knowing that I wouldn't switch to formula until we returned to the states...so this was a more "I need some sort of light at the end of the tunnel" goal.  My second goal is to make it to 6 months...and my dream goal is to make it to 1 year. 
From the outside looking in it may not seem like a big deal to pump exclusively...lots of women pump when they go back to work.  The difference is they nurse when they can.  The biggest challenge for an eper is milk supply...where you have an emotional stimulation when your baby nurses...you don't have quite the same attachment to your pump.  I do have to say my pumps are a very important part of my life...I bring either the electric or manual one with me wherever I go. 
Before I gave up on nursing I did everything I could to make Zachary want to nurse...and any parent knows it's not easy to "make" your child do something that terrifies them.  Don't ask me why he refuses and screams at the idea of nursing...I don't ask anymore...it's not healthy to dwell on something that can't be changed.
Now that I have come to grips with my reality I am happy to do anything to increase my milk supply.  I drank mothers milk tea (the worst tasting tea EVER), I took Fenugreek, I drank...well tried to drink Guiness beer, I drink my weight in water everyday, and I pump every chance I get (every 2 hours on a regular day...every hour when I need to increase the supply).  The only thing that really makes a difference is a medication I got from my doctor.  It is a miracle drug...and it gave me piece of mind in the form of 3 extra ounces of milk in my refrigerator for an emergency.  I took these pills (2 pills 3 times a day) for 6 weeks.  After Zachary got his cold he gave it to me.  The small cold that usually doesn't alter my life at all dried me up again.  I went from 3 extra ounces a day to needing to use 6 ounces of formula a day.  It seems like any normal life event dries up my milk (a cold, a day trip, exercising, sleeping through the night, stress etc...).
I have nothing against formula...if that is the decision that is right for you and your baby...great.  My problem is that I have decided I want to give my baby my milk.  When I was pumping extra I had no problem giving a couple ounces of formula if Zachary needed milk and I didn't want to make him wait for me to heat up my emergency supply.  I know it sounds crazy but it's my right as a new mother to be a little crazy. 
I spend a lot of time researching how to increase my supply without taking a day trip to HK to pick up more medication.  It hits me hard when I read about women who go back to work and pump and say they have never given their child formula...when I, who haven't spent more than 2 hours away from my baby can't provide enough milk.  Again it doesn't bother me to give him some formula, but it bothers me that I HAVE to. 
My reality now is thinking twice before I spend the day out, spending two days power pumping before any event which will take me out of the house for more than 4 hours, instead of thinking of how wonderful it will be to go back home...wondering how I am going to pump on an airplane or how much milk the airport security will let me bring.  Although it isn't what I expected I love that I live in a time where I have the technology to pump and give my child the best.  It's kind of fitting that I had every medical intervention necessary to have a "natural childbirth" and now I use every tool/medication necessary to give my baby mothers milk. 
No matter the heartache...it's all worth it...and it works because my baby who was born at under 6 lb's at full term in now in the 50th percentile for his weight. 

4 Months Old!

I look at my big boy and can't believe this was the same little guy that grew in my belly...will it ever feel real or will it always seem too good to be true?

Zachary is more active than ever and more talkative than ever.  He is truly a blast to hang out with every day.  This month was big, his first swim, his first cold and his first trip on an airplane.  He is such a good baby (as long as he gets what he wants).  He sleeps through the night...and not "baby sleep through the night" 1 am to 5 am...who are they kidding?  He goes to bed at 8:00 - 8:30 and wakes up between 6:00 and 6:30.  Other than the week he was sick he takes three to four 20 min. naps everyday.

Isn't he such a cute little sleeper?

When he was first born he looked like a mini Adam now, however...well see for yourself:

Mom sent this picture of me with the subject "You aren't the only one who had a cute baby".

Other than the nose looks like he is a "little Lindsay" pointy ears and all!

Zachary and I have a blast every day...he loves his bouncy seat.  I know a baby isn't supposed to use this until 6 months...but he holds his head up really well and the doctor said as long as Zachary is happy he is OK.  We borrowed this from a friend of mine here, but I think we may need to buy one the day we get to NC. 

I mean how could we take this toy away?

Da Fen

Officially my favorite place to go in China.  I am so glad I am using this blog now so that I can add pictures.  The first time I visited I was amazed at...well...everything.  I am not all that great with words so I am going to let the pictures speak for themselves.

Da Fen is full of paintings and coffee shops.

My two favorite boys standing near a pile of canvas and wooden frames

Instead of laundry they hang paintings out to dry

even the buildings are colorful

paintings in the alley

tons of shops like this will hundreds of framing selections

The village kindergarten (kindergarten in China is like preschool)...wouldn't you love for your child to go to a school that looked like this????

Paintings EVERYWHERE!

We came to get a few photographs from our trip to YangShou made into paintings and I got a ton of black and white photographs from our trips framed...I will post pictures once I pick them up...oh darn I have to go back one more time to pick up my pictures :)

Our Weekend in Shenzhen

I used to go to Shenzhen quite often...now taking a day trip is a little more difficult.  We did a small shop at LoHu (a small shop is all anyone can take on a Sat...let alone my husband and son any day of the week).  We went to my tailor and ordered a suit and a few dress shirts for Adam and a Dress and a couple shirts for me. 
We spent Sat. night at our favorite Mexican place in China...

we were so excited when we found it for the first time.  We went there because it was one of the 10 places to see in Shenzhen and it was called "Sea World"...no it isn't actually sea world...we were pleasantly surprised to find a square with tons of foreign restaurants...and a Dunkin Donuts.  We came to this area only a few times for dinner...it was always worth the 2+hour drive to and from.

On Sunday we took it easy in the morning...spent some time at the pool.

I had to add this close up because it was too cute to keep to myself

After he napped a little he gave the pool a second chance...

We mixed something he loves...standing up...with something he doesn't quite love so much. 

Yes, only his feet got wet...but it counts...baby steps.

Before heading home we stopped off at the painting village.  A place that deserves it's own blog entry.

He went to bed a little baby...

and woke up a toddler who can't yet toddle.

He is concentrating sooooooo hard on standing up!

Zack is finally 100% over his cold and boy am I happy about that!  Although I do have to say I enjoyed how cuddly he was while he was sick.

Have you ever tried to hold a toddler when they want to get down and walk?  That is what is has been like carrying Zachary the past couple days.  He moans and kicks until you get his feet on the floor.   I love how active he is, and I can't wait until the day he figures out how to move on his own (God help me)...but no one is going to be more excited than this little guy:

Until then I will watch him drive himself crazy trying to roll from back to belly and trying to crawl during tummy time.

It's more about the post-it's than what's on them...

I am Post-it obsessed so of course when there is something that needs organizing I go to my post-it drawer (yes I have a post-it drawer).  They don't have Post-it's in China so I use them carefully...I have a very difficult screening process for my post-it's and I get really excited when something is important enough to require one.  Adam knows to ask which post it he can use if he needs one (I usually let him use the original yellow...I don't know how they ended up in my drawer of brightly colored Post-it's in all shapes and sizes). 
One third of my kitchen table is covered in Post-its planning our last weeks in China. 

Hot Pink: Social Events and Weekend Plans

Green: Weekly lists of things to do

Purple: Shopping Lists

Zack's illness has changed some events but that is OK because they are on Post-it's and I can move them around!

Unfortunately these are the last three Post-it pads I have left...so hopefully I won't need another category.

Lindsay's Day Off

Adam sent me and e-mail yesterday..."You get 8 hours of paid vacation"...I had to read it a few times before I understood what he meant. 
Lets look back...Zachary has been sick all week...Monday every half hour I cleaned out his nose and mouth, poor little guy was miserable.  Tuesday we went all the way to Hong Kong and back, when we got home Z started to realize he felt bad.  Wednesday he slept all day...however he would choke on his mucus or cry in his sleep which totally broke my heart.  Thursday and Friday he still felt bad but didn't sleep at all during the day.  My mom said I was the same way (I still am)...medication always has an odd effect on me.  So basically he felt bad all day and didn't understand why or how to feel better.  He cried and cried.  Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday I slept in his room...which means I didn't sleep. 
After lunch I talked to Adam on the phone...I just needed an adult to talk with.  After venting a bit I felt soooooooo much better.  I love my life, I wouldn't change it for ANYTHING, but I just needed to recharge my batteries.
I didn't take 8 hours...I didn't need it.  I did enjoy a trip to the gym, then I undid anything that happened at the gym by having a starbucks.  And I couldn't leave the mall without stoping in the grocery store.  It was nice to not have to entertain a baby while on the eliptical (although he does enjoy watching the rowing machine) and it was so much easier to grocery shop without a strolller.  I finally got to really look at all the amazing things our new grocery store carries.
As it turns out Zachary slept pretty much all day...so Adam got some alone time to watch a movie. 
We both

Something easy to cook without a proper kitchen...

and it just so happens to be one of my favorite meals.  THAI GREEN CURRY!

I always add three times the meat and veggies to make it a full meal.

You may remember my obsession with green curry during the month and a half of my pregnancy that I actually enjoyed food...as long as it was green curry.
While in Thailand we took a cooking class. 

Adam and I with Nom, our teacher

One of the dishes I chose to make was green curry. 

Fresh Curry Paste

Curry...with all the proper ingredients

Funny thing is I can't wait to come back to America so I can go to an oriental market to find the proper ingredients to make it from scratch like we did in Thailand, until then the curry paste I found in our new grocery store will do just fine! 

A positive to food offered in China is the vegetables are super fresh and delicious (it's a shame Chinese cooking requires these vegetables to be soaked in oil and sauces...ironic I am writing this as I write about soaking them in curry).  I can't find the usual Thai vegetables that go in curry but I have found an amazing alternative: carrots, eggplant (Adam and I have gained an unexpected appreciation to eggplant), and potato chunks. 

Mine doesn't look quite as "Thai" but I promise it was delicious!

I make the curry the night before so the vegetables have a chance to soak in the curry...plus I get to anticipate this meal all day!

Poor Little Boy

Last weekend Zack was coughing a little, we didn't think anything of it because he coughs every once and a while.  Monday it sounded pretty bad and he slept almost 3 times as much as his usual 20 min power naps.  We called the doctor and because of the cough he wanted to see him in the next day or two.  For us this means a day trip to Hong Kong.  At 2 am I heard him coughing on the monitor and went to sleep on the bed in his room so I could be close if he just wanted a cuddle.  Meanwhile Adam came in to check on him a couple times during the night and didn't realize I was there sleeping.

Tuesday morning Z and I joined Adam on the way to work and continued onto the border crossing.  Our doctor started a new practice by himself (which I kind of like because it means a quiet waiting room and a more personal office) and when I called to make an appointment there wasn't one available because he was booked all morning and would be at the hospital all afternoon.  I had taken a gable and lost...I figured at worst I would sit in the waiting room until Dr. Chan had a second or until someone canceled.  Rather than taking the 2 hour trip back home I called his old practice and made an appointment with Dr. Tan.  I know it's cheating but it was that or take the trip again the next day.  Dr. Tan was very nice, and was very impressed with how well Z holds his head up...I only point this out because it was a "proud mama moment"...I mean he wasn't even looking at development he was just checking my baby's lungs.  :)  At this moment I thought I may have to switch to Dr. Tan...then he asked the loaded question I hate to hear...breast or bottle?  I gave him the short version and he made some comment about how Zack probably prefers the flow of the bottle...at this moment I knew I needed to stick with Dr. Chan.  Yes, I know I am unreasonably overly sensitive about our feeding situation and I am easily offended, but that doesn't change the way I feel.  I digress...back to the patient:  Zachary was a trooper at the doctor, he flirted with nurses and was perfectly happy...until the tongue depressor.  He had post nasal drip, which he would swallow and cough up.  We got some medication and headed home.  The train ride was interesting because Chinese people are very serious about not going out without a face mask when you have a cold...I hate clearing my throat in public.  So not only did we get attention as the only white people, but we got a lot of looks when Z coughed or sneezed. 

Wednesday Zachary slept most of the day.  I could tell he really didn't feel well (which validated my trip to the doctor) and the medication made him sleep all day...I counted and he was only awake for 6 hours the whole day.  I alternated between giving him mouth fulls of water to help clean out his mouth after coughing up mucus, cleaning out his nose (with breast milk...doctor ordered).  I have never had a baby that napped so I got a lot of our premove chores done, and a nap, and a shower, and laundry, and I got in a nice little workout.

Looks like my nursing skills are pretty good because this morning I woke up to...

...a happy, playful little boy who is still a little stuffed but is ready for a fun day.  I am guessing I won't get so much done today.

Z's First Swim

Saturday we had our usual lazy weekend day out.  We went to the gym at a really nice hotel in town, Z slept in his stroller while Adam and I worked out...you may think this sounds bad, but no one else uses the gym.  Anyway onto the cuteness.  I could tell the story myself, however the pictures are freakin' adorable!

Does it make me a bad mother to say that I love his sad face?

YAY New Blog

I have been keeping a blog the whole time we have been in China.  I am very thankful for my Shutterfly picture share site, however photos can't be included in a post...and in China sometimes words just can't explain.  Plus when we moved the only internet we were able to get cuts off a lot and when it takes hours to upload pictures that can be annoying.  Basically I have been trying to be able to get around the blocked blog sites so I could "blog properly".
So less than 2 months to go here in the land of censorship and I figured it out!
This is the beginning of what I hope to be a fun read with cute pictures (and honestly...how can they not be cute when I have this little guy?).

 I am super excited to continue sharing stories and recording milestones without having the problem of messing up the handwriting in a baby book or losing my "journal pen" or (God forbid) have a bend in the page.  These are the reasons I have never been a journaler.  Blogging, however works for me. Don't expect perfect grammar...I am not going for an A in English, I just want to write my stories the way I would  tell them...which means run on sentences and lots of side notes.

A lot can happen in a year!

This Saturday we went to Guangzhou (yes after being up until 3 am) to meet a family from our old lifegroup back in NC.  They were here to pick up their newest family member, a little boy they adopted from China.  Last February we met them as they picked up number 3…and had no idea we would get to meet in China again with two new additions. 
Their oldest is going to make a great babysitter for little Z someday.  The middle two were as fun and cute as ever and the newest is a hoot.  Kristi and Ian are amazing parents and their kids are awesome!  I really missed listening to kids conversations.  This was just the dose of America that I needed.
To be honest I was excited and nervous about this trip.  I planned for a week the cute outfit Z would wear because Kristi’s kids always look so cute and I wanted Z to hold his own in pictures.  I waited until 10 min before we left to dress him just in case, but 5 min before we left he spit up all over himself.  Anyone that knows K and I know that they are the least judgmental people EVER, but for me this was a trial for going home and seeing everyone and having them meet Z.  They will have to get to know Adam and I as parents and Z is going to have to suck it up and smile, talk, laugh and do his tricks for everyone.  Right now the only thing people know about Z is what I write in facebook or the blog.  I don’t doubt that everyone is going to love him…but I hope he does all the cute things he does for us.

The Most Diverse 4th of July Party EVER!

It’s fitting that a 4^th of July party that included people from Italy, Canada, China, Japan and Venezuela would take place on July 1^st.  I love entertaining!  I feel so proud of myself when people have a good time.  This party has to be one of my proudest moments.  My cleaner is out of town for an undefined amount of time so I cleaned the house, unpacked and did laundry from a vacation, cooked and baked all while taking care of a baby who has gone back to 20 min. naps.  Z was a good sport. I put him in the bouncy seat a few times and would come talk to him between chopping vegetables or doing dishes.  I made oatmeal raisin chocolate chip cookies, brownies, hummus, chicken tenders, meatballs (well Ikea made the meatballs), and pizza bread.  I also served chips and salsa that I didn’t have to smuggle from Hong Kong…I just picked them up at the new grocery store.
Everyone brought snacks and we had a wonderful time…the last people left at 3 am.  I really needed the adult conversations and I liked having some fun couple time with Adam and the other couples that came.  Z didn’t let the party keep him from his routine (sounds like my Grandpa Dalland).  He fell asleep and didn’t let the noise keep him from getting a good night sleep.