EEEEK! I was in total shock...which doesn't make any sense because for the past few weeks I knew we were having a girl. I was almost willing it to be a boy by searching boy nurseries and forcing Adam to talk about boy names. I am not afraid of a daughter, I am not afraid of a teenage girl (or protecting her from teenage boys), I am not afraid of making sure she has the confidence she needs to make smart choices, I am going to love having a best friend in 20 years who will call me and do girly things with me, I love pink and I love bows. The main reason for my initial reaction was that I lost who I thought I was. I was a boy mom, I raised boys, I loved raising boys...I had no desire for a daughter (not that I am not happy about it)...most people I know with multiple boys would LOVE having a daughter and want a little girl...I never felt that need. I felt that this desire to be a boy mom and my love of all things boy was God's way of preparing me for my life with no girls.
I had this reaction one other time in my life. On the trip from our house to a friends house the night before we left for China. I was a teacher, I was an independent woman, I was a homeowner, I LOVED my life...I loved my life married to Adam. I was leaving EVERYTHING I thought I was and had no idea what I would be or do in my new life...never did I think I would quit my dream job for a guy...and have it be a positive. Moving to China was the best thing I ever did. I am a better person because of my experience in the life I never expected. I'm imagining becoming a mom to a little girl will also make me a better person. What I realized is things in my life don't make me who I am and those things don't make me who I am going to be. I am still the person that LOVES raising boys and I will be a person who LOVES raising her little girl.
It kind of annoys me that people say "now you are getting your girl" like I was missing something with my two boys...because they are totally awesome and if they were my only kids I would be the luckiest girl on the planet. I usually respond with "actually now my husband gets his girl". The more I think about it the more I know Adam needs a little girl. He is a great daddy to our boys but he needs that little girl who has him wrapped around his finger...he needs that girl to spoil rotten...he needs that girl to protect and take care of. Maybe we are an "old fashioned" family but I don't think Adam feels he needs to "protect" or "take care of" the boys...besides the obvious feeding and providing for them. He has very few opinions about what the boys do or wear (as long as they don't wear nail polish or carolina blue...we're good). I am already looking at girl clothes...infant girl clothes mind you...and saying to myself Adam would hate if his daughter wore this. Adam would hate those bows as big as her head, he would hate if she wore short skirts or shorts (yes infant girl clothes...it's crazy...short shorts for a baby????).
It didn't take me long to plan her nursery...or big girl bedroom...or teenage bedroom (because she will love the same things I love). I have learned my way around the girl clothing department and she already has a few bows for her collection. We need to finalize the name...move Hunter out of her room and repaint...other than that we are good to go! November will be here before we know it.
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