Autism is wondering why there is so much crying and not enough sleep and feeling like you can't...you just can't.Autism is crying in the middle of the night because you have already gotten up twice and know it will happen a few more times and feeling exhausted.
Autism is being told your kid can't come back because there weren't enough resources to handle him and feeling devastated then feeling mad then you understand but still hate that it happened.
Autism is trying new things to make regular things happen...like the time I almost bought a dog bed to see if it would help H sleep and feeling ridiculous...because a dog bed for a 1 year old????
Autism is isolating yourself because your kid can't handle certain things...and feeling alone.
Autism is lots of doctors and not so many answers...until one day you finally have an answer that leaves you feeling relieved, scared, sad, ready, unprepared, tired...basically all the feelings.
Autism is being handed pamphlets on applying for social security disability, getting your adult child into a group home and how autism parents have more divorce than the general population and feeling overwhelmed and hopeless.Autism is many hours on the phone with insurance companies and feeling frustrated.
Autism is food issues and special diets that no one seems to understand and feeling defensive when someone questions it and angry when someone minimizes it.
Autism is always being prepared to fight...and hating that about yourself but also kind of love that about yourself.
Autism is wondering why...why all the things...why all the time?????
Autism is the little boy who squealed for joy for the first time and the joy you feel when you realize he might actually be happy.Autism is the boy who chooses who he loves...and when he chooses you...the feeling is indescribable.
Autism is having friends who may not completely understand but they try and they celebrate with you and cry with you and are in your corner.
Autism is finding the best speech therapist EVER and secretly being devastated when you find out she is pregnant...but really you are happy for her...but really you pray hard she decides to come back to work...but will be happy for her if she doesn't...sort of...no really I am so happy for her no matter what.
Autism is waiting a long time to hear "mommy" and when it comes out "ma ma MA" you feel like this is the greatest thing anyone has ever called anyone.
Autism is finding the perfect school for your kid where he thrives...and feeling so proud but also a twinge of sadness that you couldn't be the one to bring it out in him...but so thankful for teachers who really truly love him after only a couple months.Autism is a young girl who has committed to being your kids friend at church so you can enjoy the service and not dread what someone will say when you pick him up...it is also realizing that this girl loves...truly loves your kids with her whole heart and there is no words to describe that feeling.
Autism is grandparents who research the best Christmas gifts to buy someone with autism and read even more then you do so that they can understand their grandson and it feels warm and fuzzy.
Autism is your kid writing H's...ALL...THE...TIME...and being so excited that they are learning new things and are so proud of themselves.
Autism is ipads, and buttons, and lights, and climbing, and running, and jumping...and even broken arms and feeling lucky to be front and center to this show.
Autism is a little boy that you love more than you ever thought possible and knowing if you had a choice you would choose autism because you wouldn't want your kid to be anyone else and you wonder if you took away the autism would you take away who they are...and you feel grateful that your kid is your kid and who they are is who you only want them to be.Autism is the best smile in the whole wide world and feeling blessed.
Autism is not knowing what will happen tomorrow and being worried about the future but also figuring out that life is just little moments and the thing about moments is they are quick and then they are gone...so its enjoying the good moments and working to get through the rough moments knowing that no one person is defined by their rough moments and feeling like you got this.
