Our House: It's Official!

Adam's Man Room...the plan is to paint the back wall a deep red (I am very into accent walls)

Master Bedroom...this will be my last project 

and bath...so who decided it's alright to put one towel rack in a bathroom?  I want to take the towel rack from the boys bathroom and put it in our bathroom and put hooks in their bathroom.

The playroom...I am painting the back wall a peacock blue and the other walls the greyge that I plan on using in the main area of the house.  It is our most used room!

Zack's room...I plan on painting it gray and using some sort of navy accent (maybe a thick stripe????) 

Hunter's room...this will be an aqua with a wall of different sized stripes of a darker aqua...I'm hoping this will go well with my orange accents.

The living room...this will be a seafoam green with pictures of my beautiful boys between the windows on the side.  Adam is working on plans for built in's 

breakfast area...we want to eventually build a window seat/storage bench

and my kitchen...don't mind the mess on the counter.  

Downtown Raleigh Photo Shoot

My friends and I took a photography class called "mom's with cameras" and we are always looking for interesting places to practice our skill with our favorite subjects.  Here are some of my favorites (unedited because I haven't had time to figure that out yet).

got milk?  Unfortunaltey this wasn't a very Hunter friendly place to take pictures but I did get a few

He looks so sad.

I love the blue wall

Hunter Might Just Get There

Two weeks ago I had NO hope, I was discouraged, I was stressed, I was overwhelmed...none of these things are typical "Lindsay" feelings.  I wanted to cry, scream and give up...again actions not usually associated with me.  Why, do you ask?
Well as I've mentioned several times before and summarized here I have not been able to successfully nurse either of my children (YET).  I figured Zack was a fluke...I mean what baby doesn't want to nurse from the very beginning and the one time he does have a total break down and spit up all the delicious milk?  And what are the chances that my second baby would want so badly to nurse and just not be able to do it?
Well Hunter may be only four months but his posterior tongue tie and unwillingness to flatten his tongue while eating has caused him to develop some VERY bad habits.  And apparently all the advice the lactation consultants and pediatricians have given me, won't actually help us and a couple have allowed Hunter to continue his bad habits.  This advice would apply to most babies but not mine.  Every bottle we tried...not good, trying to go completely bottle free...wont help, nipple confusion...doesn't exist, he will get it if I'm persistent...not unless I do my homework.
Basically Hunter has 5 of the 7 issues listed in red here so far the black issues don't apply to us and if we continue therapy we hope to not ever need to worry about that.  I am so thankful that my lactation consultant sent us to the feeding clinic.  And even though she totally made me want to give up and live with our issues after our initial consultation I kept with it.  After avoiding making a second appointment I broke down and 3 sessions later we see a TON of progress.  We are not totally out of the woods, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
What are we doing?
Well I have to pump extra and do therapy several times a day with a bottle...because I have more control.  I sit with my leg propped up on the chair and Hunter leans against my leg.  One hand holds his head angled up while the other holds the bottle with my thumb and pointer finger while my other three fingers push against his chin (preventing him from using his jaw and forcing him to use his tongue).  If he makes more than one gulp per swallow, clicks his tongue, breathes too hard or makes choking noises I leave the bottle in but tip his head so he sucks air until he pauses and takes a breath.  Once his sucking is back on track I can allow him to get milk again.  As you can imagine he LOVES this...
We also have some tongue exercises.  I put my finger on his lips and let him "invite me in".  Once he sucks I have to push down on his tongue...this is very hard to do without making him gag.
I explained all that because I (again) want to share my experience in case anyone needs to know that they aren't alone and to encourage all mothers to do your own research and don't count on the doctors to know everything about your child.  Most of all I want to say (as our doctor said in therapy today) "good things come to those who work at it".  I'll keep you posted because I am sure Hunter will be able to nurse well in the next couple months!

Even though I had no hope a couple weeks ago I am giddy with hope today!

My Experience Nursing

I feel like I need to share this...mainly because I need to know I'm not the only mommy that has had a bad experience.  I have been and feel like I need to be there to say "it's ok"...it's ok to give your baby formula...it's ok to not enjoy nursing...it's ok to make a decision that others may not agree with.
Zack refused to nurse since the second he was born.  The nurses didn't worry too much since it was a pretty traumatic birth, but they wanted my "starving in the womb" baby to eat (the poor kid hadn't gained weight in 2 weeks due to my "rotten" placenta).  They hand expressed (aka...milked me like a cow) and fed my son with a syringe every 2 hours, when that wasn't enough we had to give my baby formula   My wanna be nursing momma's heart broke in a million pieces.  We met with a lactation consultant twice in the hospital and 3 times after returning home.  We tried tube feeding (not SES but propping him on our legs as we let him suck on our pinky and sticking a tube in his mouth that led to a cup of my expressed milk (or formula).  Several ounces of spilled milk (whoever said don't cry over spilled milk obviously never hand expressed and listened to their infant scream while they mixed formula to replace the liquid gold) and 3 weeks of trying to nurse I decided to introduce the bottle...best decision ever.  We met with a different lactation consultant, our pediatrician and we had several conferences with God.  What baby hates to eat...well not mine but he didn't want to eat the "natural" way.  Zack thankfully gained weight quickly (doubled birth weight in 2 months and ate 34 oz a day).  At his 2 month check up I told Dr. Chan that I have decided to give up torturing my child...I felt that I have been super calm and was about to reach a breaking point.  My baby didn't need a mother who lost her sanity over something that she could change.  I decided to full time pump.  My goal was a year, I made it 5 months before we moved and the traveling, business etc...made my milk deplete my half.  One day we visited a family members church and the nursery workers accidentally gave my milk to another baby.  The other mother wasn't angry, the nursery worker wasn't apologetic and I was heartbroken...I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream, I wanted someone else to be as angry/upset as I was.  That day I decided my focus needed to be on my baby, I needed to do what was best for my family, I needed to be the best wife/mother that I could be...and that wouldn't happen if I spent so much energy worrying about my milk.  When I gave up the pump I felt like I lost a piece of myself, but it didn't take long for me to love the freedom.
What were the chances that 2 of my children would have such difficulty nursing?  Well apparently pretty good (in the words of the first of two lactation consultants we have seen with Hunter).  Hunter wanted so badly to nurse (YAY!) but wasn't able to latch properly.  I'm not kidding when I say half of what he gets ends up on him and I.  We soak a blanket each feeding.  In the beginning people would say "well he's young, he'll get it".  I don't want him to GET it I want him to HAVE it!  This is crazy, what is wrong with me that I can't properly feed my babies?  Thanks to the iPhone I spent many late night feedings searching for answers.  When he was about 8 weeks old I found my (maybe) answer.  Tongue tie...Hunter had every symptom.  And guess what...they usually don't catch it in bottle fed babies until they are 2 and not talking well...plus it's hereditary.  Could this be my answer...seriously I felt I had solved all our problems.  At Hunters two month I had the LC check both the boys and they both are tied.  Plus Hunter has a wave motion in his tongue (probably because of the tie) which pushes the milk out and all of these issues caused him to have reflux   Poor baby...no wonder he was never happy...he was always hungry and always uncomfortable.  We went to a dyspepsia clinic (more on that later) and went to an ENT to get his tongue clipped...the most traumatic experience of my life!  We have to continue seeing his feeding therapist to reteach him to use his tongue.
All through out my experience EVERYONE told me "oh it will happen...just keep at it".  Well I am an extremely persistent person, but keeping at it with Zack wasn't the best option and I'm still working on it with Hunter but I still pump and use formula when necessary.
It's upsetting when people post articles about how nursing is the only option for moms who want the best for their kids, we all know breast milk is healthier than formula and cheaper, and more convenient ..but that doesn't mean it's best for everyone.  I feel like these experiences were meant to share...I want other mommies to know that nursing isn't this amazingly beautiful wonderful bonding experience for everyone.  I know people who don't have extensive issues don't mean to make people like me feel bad about myself or guilty that I didn't do enough to make nursing happen, but that's how it feels...and I'm not the only one.  There are so many resources for nursing moms, I want to be an advocate for moms that need someone who understands their problems and won't make them feel bad.
I still have high hopes for Hunter but I'll be ok if it doesn't work our...and I know he will be just fine.  I say all the time how thankful I am that I live in an age where I have my double electric pump and healthy formula available to me...who knows what would have happened to either of my kids had we not had these options.

Farm Days

Can I say this was one of the best things I took Zack too this year.  NC State agricultural department has the farm set up 3 days for kids to come and see the animals.  Zack and his friends LOVED it!

Checking out the 3 day old chicks

they had some the kids could hold and touch

This is Zack dropping the chick

"beeeee" (neigh)

And Hunter looking all cute

"boooo"  (moo)

I think they liked climbing the fence more than they liked seeing the animals

and back to the cute baby

Milking a cow

roping some steer 

petting a sheep

driving a tractor

"how do you get this thing moving?"

"bou ga" (gobble)

The House: The one with the brown door...

You may think my boys are being cooperative and posing for this picture when what is actually happening is Hunter is strapped in and Zack was upset that he thought I was leaving Hunter.  He kept yelling "Ba!  Oh Ah, Oh Ah...BA"  meaning mommy come get Hunter (like how I can speak Z-man?).

When I first walked through the door our contractor was there doing the pre walk through walk through...basically circling nail pops.  He said "I have some bad news...and some good news" (basically he says this every time we talk...and it scares me every time).  This time our refrigerator was stolen...our nice upgraded french door refrigerator.  The good news apparently there is a newer model and we get that one.

Our floors are finished...

The shelves are up in the pantry...

Our showers are enclosed...

We have toilets...

We have blinds...

The spindles and rails are painted/stains...

Zack loves his walk in closet...

Hunter is thrilled with his room...

This is Zack yelling at me to bring Hunter to the 3rd floor...

I just wanted to go up and take a picture...a baby in a car seat is heavy!  At least I know Zack is looking out for his brother. I guess he earned that super brother shirt he is wearing.

Our garage has a door...

And they have started a house down the road...

I feel like I need to end with a picture of this beauty...

sure beats cooking/baking in a toaster oven for 18 months