It's been a month since I switched to formula exclusively. I am 110% satisfied with my decision and I am equally as sure it is what's best for Zachary and I. It is so nice to leave the house without pumping and cleaning the parts, its even nicer to go out and run a few errands at a time. I sometimes feel a sense of freedom when I go out with my friends and without going home to pump I stop at the grocery store...it's the little things.
I know Adam supported me while I was Eping, and supported my decision to stop, but at the same time I know he is relieved that we don't have to plan our day around the pump. Zachary is extremely happy that I can spend the time I used to pump, playing with him.
There have been times that I second guessed my decision...and the fact that Zack got sick the week after I stopped giving him breast milk.
I know that I could have kept going...maybe for the whole first year...but I think for our family formula is best!
Showing posts with label Eping. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Eping. Show all posts
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Goodbye Old Friend
I have mixed feelings about saying goodbye to my trusty pump.
There have been a lot of up’s and downs (mostly with my milk levels). My mom thought the double electric pump wouldn’t be necessary since I was staying home with Zachary and he would nurse, but I knew if I was stuck in China and I had any problems with
nursing that my only other option would be Chinese formula…which wouldn’t kill
Zack but the quality isn’t near what it is in the states and nothing compared to breast milk. In the hospital Zack refused nursing (no matter how much the midwives, nurses, doctors and lactation consultants tried to help). When I say refused I mean screamed bloody murder at any attempt. We tried every nursing position, we tried nipple shields, nipple extractors, syringe feeding, tube feeding and finally (two weeks later) went to the pump and bottle feeding. I tried for two full months to get Zack to nurse (everyone said he would eventually)…after 2 months I gave up trying because I couldn’t take making my baby so upset, giving up was a huge burdon lifted off my sholders. I came to gripswith my reality and embrased my pump. It sure isn’t easy to have your baby crying because he wants to be held or played with or fed while you are pumping, but it is much easier than making him scream while doing something that is supposed to be a bonding experience.
Moving really took a toll on my milk supply. First leaving China, then the plane ride,
then the craziness of car shopping and apartment hunting, then the hanging out
with friends and family (I hated to leave to pump!), then just being in a hotel and lastly moving in. I have had several dips in milk levels before and it requires a week of power pumping (pumping every hour for 5 min.)…it usually worked when I went from pumping 25-30 ounces a day to pumping 20 ounces a day but this past week I was lucky to pump 15 ounces a day. I know I physically have it in me to power pump again but emotionally I know I wouldn’t be able to take it if my supply didn’t come back. Plus I knew I would need to go back to being super disciplined about pumping every 2 to 3 hours and we have 2 fun family events over the next two weekends that I hate to interrupt with my pump.
I feel really bad about giving up and I wonder if it’s the best thing for my baby and I know that there is really no turning back. Then I think about it and I am relieved that
I don’t have to consider how I will pump with my cousins wedding or store my pump parts in the refrigerator at the mountains. I am relieved that I don’t have to give
myself 15 extra min to get ready for something because I have to pump last minute
or 30 extra min before going away because I have to pump, clean the pump parts
and pack the pump before going on vacation. Meanwhile as I write this I second guess my decision.
I used my manual pump Sunday morning (after 48 hours of not pumping) because…well any breast feeding mom knows…I REALLY needed too. I was able to pump 5 ounces (I used to pump 3 ounces every 2 hours).
I plan on using my experience to support other mothers with feeding issues…in the long run what’s best for your baby is a mommy who is happy in her situation and who loves, laughs and nurtures him.
My short term goal was 6 months and my long term goal was a year…I made it 5 months and 2 weeks…I think sometimes; it’s OK not to meet your goal.
nursing that my only other option would be Chinese formula…which wouldn’t kill
Zack but the quality isn’t near what it is in the states and nothing compared to breast milk. In the hospital Zack refused nursing (no matter how much the midwives, nurses, doctors and lactation consultants tried to help). When I say refused I mean screamed bloody murder at any attempt. We tried every nursing position, we tried nipple shields, nipple extractors, syringe feeding, tube feeding and finally (two weeks later) went to the pump and bottle feeding. I tried for two full months to get Zack to nurse (everyone said he would eventually)…after 2 months I gave up trying because I couldn’t take making my baby so upset, giving up was a huge burdon lifted off my sholders. I came to gripswith my reality and embrased my pump. It sure isn’t easy to have your baby crying because he wants to be held or played with or fed while you are pumping, but it is much easier than making him scream while doing something that is supposed to be a bonding experience.
Moving really took a toll on my milk supply. First leaving China, then the plane ride,
then the craziness of car shopping and apartment hunting, then the hanging out
with friends and family (I hated to leave to pump!), then just being in a hotel and lastly moving in. I have had several dips in milk levels before and it requires a week of power pumping (pumping every hour for 5 min.)…it usually worked when I went from pumping 25-30 ounces a day to pumping 20 ounces a day but this past week I was lucky to pump 15 ounces a day. I know I physically have it in me to power pump again but emotionally I know I wouldn’t be able to take it if my supply didn’t come back. Plus I knew I would need to go back to being super disciplined about pumping every 2 to 3 hours and we have 2 fun family events over the next two weekends that I hate to interrupt with my pump.
I feel really bad about giving up and I wonder if it’s the best thing for my baby and I know that there is really no turning back. Then I think about it and I am relieved that
I don’t have to consider how I will pump with my cousins wedding or store my pump parts in the refrigerator at the mountains. I am relieved that I don’t have to give
myself 15 extra min to get ready for something because I have to pump last minute
or 30 extra min before going away because I have to pump, clean the pump parts
and pack the pump before going on vacation. Meanwhile as I write this I second guess my decision.
I used my manual pump Sunday morning (after 48 hours of not pumping) because…well any breast feeding mom knows…I REALLY needed too. I was able to pump 5 ounces (I used to pump 3 ounces every 2 hours).
My short term goal was 6 months and my long term goal was a year…I made it 5 months and 2 weeks…I think sometimes; it’s OK not to meet your goal.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
A Positive To Our Feeding Situation
Thursday, July 28, 2011
The Challenge of Eping...
This is where I get totally real (not that I am not usually real...but when it comes to negative feelings I try to put on a happy face...more for myself than for anyone else). I am 4 months into pumping and bottle feeding, 2 months in without trying to nurse anymore. My first short term goal was 3 months...knowing that I wouldn't switch to formula until we returned to the states...so this was a more "I need some sort of light at the end of the tunnel" goal. My second goal is to make it to 6 months...and my dream goal is to make it to 1 year.
From the outside looking in it may not seem like a big deal to pump exclusively...lots of women pump when they go back to work. The difference is they nurse when they can. The biggest challenge for an eper is milk supply...where you have an emotional stimulation when your baby nurses...you don't have quite the same attachment to your pump. I do have to say my pumps are a very important part of my life...I bring either the electric or manual one with me wherever I go.
Before I gave up on nursing I did everything I could to make Zachary want to nurse...and any parent knows it's not easy to "make" your child do something that terrifies them. Don't ask me why he refuses and screams at the idea of nursing...I don't ask anymore...it's not healthy to dwell on something that can't be changed.
Now that I have come to grips with my reality I am happy to do anything to increase my milk supply. I drank mothers milk tea (the worst tasting tea EVER), I took Fenugreek, I drank...well tried to drink Guiness beer, I drink my weight in water everyday, and I pump every chance I get (every 2 hours on a regular day...every hour when I need to increase the supply). The only thing that really makes a difference is a medication I got from my doctor. It is a miracle drug...and it gave me piece of mind in the form of 3 extra ounces of milk in my refrigerator for an emergency. I took these pills (2 pills 3 times a day) for 6 weeks. After Zachary got his cold he gave it to me. The small cold that usually doesn't alter my life at all dried me up again. I went from 3 extra ounces a day to needing to use 6 ounces of formula a day. It seems like any normal life event dries up my milk (a cold, a day trip, exercising, sleeping through the night, stress etc...).
I have nothing against formula...if that is the decision that is right for you and your baby...great. My problem is that I have decided I want to give my baby my milk. When I was pumping extra I had no problem giving a couple ounces of formula if Zachary needed milk and I didn't want to make him wait for me to heat up my emergency supply. I know it sounds crazy but it's my right as a new mother to be a little crazy.
I spend a lot of time researching how to increase my supply without taking a day trip to HK to pick up more medication. It hits me hard when I read about women who go back to work and pump and say they have never given their child formula...when I, who haven't spent more than 2 hours away from my baby can't provide enough milk. Again it doesn't bother me to give him some formula, but it bothers me that I HAVE to.
My reality now is thinking twice before I spend the day out, spending two days power pumping before any event which will take me out of the house for more than 4 hours, instead of thinking of how wonderful it will be to go back home...wondering how I am going to pump on an airplane or how much milk the airport security will let me bring. Although it isn't what I expected I love that I live in a time where I have the technology to pump and give my child the best. It's kind of fitting that I had every medical intervention necessary to have a "natural childbirth" and now I use every tool/medication necessary to give my baby mothers milk.
No matter the heartache...it's all worth it...and it works because my baby who was born at under 6 lb's at full term in now in the 50th percentile for his weight.
From the outside looking in it may not seem like a big deal to pump exclusively...lots of women pump when they go back to work. The difference is they nurse when they can. The biggest challenge for an eper is milk supply...where you have an emotional stimulation when your baby nurses...you don't have quite the same attachment to your pump. I do have to say my pumps are a very important part of my life...I bring either the electric or manual one with me wherever I go.
Before I gave up on nursing I did everything I could to make Zachary want to nurse...and any parent knows it's not easy to "make" your child do something that terrifies them. Don't ask me why he refuses and screams at the idea of nursing...I don't ask anymore...it's not healthy to dwell on something that can't be changed.
Now that I have come to grips with my reality I am happy to do anything to increase my milk supply. I drank mothers milk tea (the worst tasting tea EVER), I took Fenugreek, I drank...well tried to drink Guiness beer, I drink my weight in water everyday, and I pump every chance I get (every 2 hours on a regular day...every hour when I need to increase the supply). The only thing that really makes a difference is a medication I got from my doctor. It is a miracle drug...and it gave me piece of mind in the form of 3 extra ounces of milk in my refrigerator for an emergency. I took these pills (2 pills 3 times a day) for 6 weeks. After Zachary got his cold he gave it to me. The small cold that usually doesn't alter my life at all dried me up again. I went from 3 extra ounces a day to needing to use 6 ounces of formula a day. It seems like any normal life event dries up my milk (a cold, a day trip, exercising, sleeping through the night, stress etc...).
I have nothing against formula...if that is the decision that is right for you and your baby...great. My problem is that I have decided I want to give my baby my milk. When I was pumping extra I had no problem giving a couple ounces of formula if Zachary needed milk and I didn't want to make him wait for me to heat up my emergency supply. I know it sounds crazy but it's my right as a new mother to be a little crazy.
I spend a lot of time researching how to increase my supply without taking a day trip to HK to pick up more medication. It hits me hard when I read about women who go back to work and pump and say they have never given their child formula...when I, who haven't spent more than 2 hours away from my baby can't provide enough milk. Again it doesn't bother me to give him some formula, but it bothers me that I HAVE to.
My reality now is thinking twice before I spend the day out, spending two days power pumping before any event which will take me out of the house for more than 4 hours, instead of thinking of how wonderful it will be to go back home...wondering how I am going to pump on an airplane or how much milk the airport security will let me bring. Although it isn't what I expected I love that I live in a time where I have the technology to pump and give my child the best. It's kind of fitting that I had every medical intervention necessary to have a "natural childbirth" and now I use every tool/medication necessary to give my baby mothers milk.
No matter the heartache...it's all worth it...and it works because my baby who was born at under 6 lb's at full term in now in the 50th percentile for his weight.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Eper
Well it turns out that there is a name for people like me…people that pump exclusively for one reason or another. I finally (after 2 months of research) found an online support group for Epers. Most information I read is for nursing mothers and the advice I get is don’t pump too much and don’t introduce the bottle. It is so nice to read information for people in my situation. I found out that the way I have been pumping is all wrong…it’s right if you are nursing as well but totally wrong if you are eping. I love that I didn’t have to adapt any of the information to fit my situation, I loved that other women dealt with the exact same thing I did, I love that the women have the same concerns, praises and failures that I have, I love that I can read about the amazing success stories of women who pumped for an entire year (which is my goal…but we shall see), I love that the women didn’t make anyone feel bad for using or switching to formula (I honestly don’t know if I would have switched had we been in America where the formula isn’t Chinese).
I know in my head that I am not a failure but it is so hard to know that in your heart when you are pumping as your baby is screaming for food and you can’t pump enough due to stress and end up giving them formula. It’s hard to not feel like a failure when it seems like everyone else in the world can nurse. It’s hard to not feel like a failure when you read anything from La Leche League (I know it’s a great group for some people but honestly I am not a fan).
It’s been a little over a week since I embraced the pump and I feel so much better, I don’t dread trying to make Z nurse (what mother wants to do something that makes their child so miserable…it’s worse then when he got his shots!). Zack I am sure is much happier not having to go through this horrible experience every time he is hungry. Basically I love my new identity and I plan on becoming a support for anyone who has trouble nursing.
I know in my head that I am not a failure but it is so hard to know that in your heart when you are pumping as your baby is screaming for food and you can’t pump enough due to stress and end up giving them formula. It’s hard to not feel like a failure when it seems like everyone else in the world can nurse. It’s hard to not feel like a failure when you read anything from La Leche League (I know it’s a great group for some people but honestly I am not a fan).
It’s been a little over a week since I embraced the pump and I feel so much better, I don’t dread trying to make Z nurse (what mother wants to do something that makes their child so miserable…it’s worse then when he got his shots!). Zack I am sure is much happier not having to go through this horrible experience every time he is hungry. Basically I love my new identity and I plan on becoming a support for anyone who has trouble nursing.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Throwing in the towel/Giving up/Choosing my battle…whatever you want to call it
I made a decision for myself a couple weeks ago. I hate the fact that I am giving up but it is such a relief. I am giving up trying to nurse. Zach has maybe nursed 10 times since the day he was born, half of those times were only for a few min before he realized what was happening and would scream again. I would say he has only truly nursed (correct latch, emptied the breast, felt satisfied after) 2 times total! After his one month appointment we met with another lactation consultant, I forced Zach on the breast for the next week. During that time I continued to pump (to have an emergency bottle for when things went pear shaped, and so that I could lure him onto the breast). Since I didn’t empty the breasts when I pumped (I wanted them to have enough any time he wanted to eat) and he still refused, my milk supply went way down. I spent the next few days pumping every hour during the day and every 3 hours at night (even if he didn’t wake up) just to get my supply back up, I drank mother’s milk tea, hoppy beer and lots of water, I made myself sleep between pumps, and started taking Fenugreek tablets (a herbal supplement). While I tried to get mu supply back up I stopped trying to nurse. I figured the important thing was to make the amount of milk he needs each day if not more (to prepare for growth spurts).
…ANYWAY a couple weeks ago I gave myself 2 weeks of trying to get Z to nurse before I would embrace the pump and give up. Adam supported me by saying once it gets to be frustrating for you then we need to stop. I have been surprisingly calm and patient (defiantly a little gift from the lord since those are not typical characteristics of me with a long term problem like this).
Today I am officially giving up. It brings up a ton of emotions, sadness (since I have totally given up hope), relief (I no longer will make my son scream bloody murder when he is perfectly happy eating any other way), failure (how could I not do something that is supposed to be natural, people are also very critical about feeding babies…clearly the people a la leche league didn’t have children who refused nursing from day 1, it made me feel horriable when people said that Z had nipple confusion because I gave him the bottle, it wasn’t nipple confusion because he refused to feed long before I started the bottle or giving him a pacifier), success (I made it this long, my lactation consultants, yes I have 2, the pediatrician, my mother, my friends, my husband etc…have all encouraged me, and have stated how difficult it must be…I love that people like to fill me up rather than give advice).
Up until now Z has maybe nursed 10 times total, most of those being a couple min before he realized what was going on and began to scream. Out of those 10 times only once has he emptied a breast, felt satisfied afterward and latched correctly.
In the past week he decided he didn’t mind nursing from the right breast (wouldn’t even take the left with a football hold). Still it was touch and go…mostly refusing. Two months may not seem like a long enough time to try something before giving up but imagine at least 10 times per day of trying since the day he was born…minus the evening feeds so like 8 times per day (I was not about to wake up the baby by making him scream in the middle of the night). Since March 27 (we didn’t try too hard the first day of his life). That is almost 500 times…and I think that is acceptable.
So, thank you to all you people who I e-mail to ask for advice or just to vent, thank you for encouraging me!
The doctors and lactation consultants told me that nursing wasn’t something I could make happen, I needed Z to do most of the work and be ready. Well Z made the decision from day one and stuck to it no matter what (hmmmm kinda sounds like something I would do). So here I am choosing to not fight this battle.
I am now happy to be a full time pumping mother…some positives about pumping:
1) Much faster than nursing
2) I can pump and go without having to discreetly nurse in public
3) I have a manual pump with can go with me on day trips so I can pump in the bathroom and feed my baby fresh milk
4) Adam can do the 6:00 am feed before he gets ready for work, giving me a couple hours of shut eye and him a chance to cuddle with Z before heading off to work.
5) I can pump extra on days I am home all day and I can skip a pump on days when I am out…if I am usually pumping every couple hours but skip one I am usually able to pump double the next time.
6) If I need more milk I can add an extra pumping session to the evenings and in a couple days my supply is higher.
7) He eats quickly so my evening feeds last about 30 min, (changing the diaper, feeding, putting him down, pumping, going back to bed)
…ANYWAY a couple weeks ago I gave myself 2 weeks of trying to get Z to nurse before I would embrace the pump and give up. Adam supported me by saying once it gets to be frustrating for you then we need to stop. I have been surprisingly calm and patient (defiantly a little gift from the lord since those are not typical characteristics of me with a long term problem like this).
Today I am officially giving up. It brings up a ton of emotions, sadness (since I have totally given up hope), relief (I no longer will make my son scream bloody murder when he is perfectly happy eating any other way), failure (how could I not do something that is supposed to be natural, people are also very critical about feeding babies…clearly the people a la leche league didn’t have children who refused nursing from day 1, it made me feel horriable when people said that Z had nipple confusion because I gave him the bottle, it wasn’t nipple confusion because he refused to feed long before I started the bottle or giving him a pacifier), success (I made it this long, my lactation consultants, yes I have 2, the pediatrician, my mother, my friends, my husband etc…have all encouraged me, and have stated how difficult it must be…I love that people like to fill me up rather than give advice).
Up until now Z has maybe nursed 10 times total, most of those being a couple min before he realized what was going on and began to scream. Out of those 10 times only once has he emptied a breast, felt satisfied afterward and latched correctly.
In the past week he decided he didn’t mind nursing from the right breast (wouldn’t even take the left with a football hold). Still it was touch and go…mostly refusing. Two months may not seem like a long enough time to try something before giving up but imagine at least 10 times per day of trying since the day he was born…minus the evening feeds so like 8 times per day (I was not about to wake up the baby by making him scream in the middle of the night). Since March 27 (we didn’t try too hard the first day of his life). That is almost 500 times…and I think that is acceptable.
So, thank you to all you people who I e-mail to ask for advice or just to vent, thank you for encouraging me!
The doctors and lactation consultants told me that nursing wasn’t something I could make happen, I needed Z to do most of the work and be ready. Well Z made the decision from day one and stuck to it no matter what (hmmmm kinda sounds like something I would do). So here I am choosing to not fight this battle.
I am now happy to be a full time pumping mother…some positives about pumping:
1) Much faster than nursing
2) I can pump and go without having to discreetly nurse in public
3) I have a manual pump with can go with me on day trips so I can pump in the bathroom and feed my baby fresh milk
4) Adam can do the 6:00 am feed before he gets ready for work, giving me a couple hours of shut eye and him a chance to cuddle with Z before heading off to work.
5) I can pump extra on days I am home all day and I can skip a pump on days when I am out…if I am usually pumping every couple hours but skip one I am usually able to pump double the next time.
6) If I need more milk I can add an extra pumping session to the evenings and in a couple days my supply is higher.
7) He eats quickly so my evening feeds last about 30 min, (changing the diaper, feeding, putting him down, pumping, going back to bed)
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Adventures in Feeding
Because Zachary was born small he has many characteristics of a premature baby. I really don’t think my pediatrician believes that he is 39 weeks along (he asked every time we saw him)…I wouldn’t believe it myself but we found out pretty much right away and the dates were determined by a blood test. Anyway, one major characteristic Zachary has of a preemie is the trouble he has with feeding.
Our first night in the hospital Zachary hadn’t eaten anything which is pretty normal since the babies are generally tired and not hungry, however with a baby that is underweight they need to make sure he eats. Since little Z wouldn’t feed on his own (at this point he wouldn’t latch) my colostrum had to be expressed by hand and given by syringe every 2-3 hours. When I say expressed by hand I mean just that…the nurses and midwives took turns milking me. In the beginning I was able to express about 1 ml. This wasn’t enough to get some weight on the boy so I had to supplement with formula. I kind of figured we would need to do this at some point but I was hoping not the first night of his life.
On day 2 the day shift midwife came in and was adamant about stopping the formula and getting him to feed…she sent her assistant Julia (she said she was the best at hand expressing because she worked on a farm) to be my personal milk maid for the day. Anytime I wasn’t being milked I laid skin to skin with Zachary and every time he started rooting (looking for food) I called the midwife and we would try to get him to latch. Before Adam left for the evening (he wasn’t allowed to stay) Zachary had latched (no sucking) and I was expressing almost 4 ml every few hours so it was looking like we wouldn’t need the formula and that soon enough he would be feeding. However that night the nurses (who were not as skilled as Julia) weren’t able to express enough and we had to supplement again. I felt awful…not that we needed to use the formula (anything to get my baby the nutrients he needed) but because it was like we back tracked.
In the morning of day 3 before Adam got to the hospital I made the midwife give me another option…anything to get him to latch and suck at the same time. She said she didn’t recommend a nipple shield but it was something. I was all for it! Zachary was able to latch and fed for 20 min before he started crying. I pulled him off and noticed I was bleeding (not a lot…but enough that he may have gotten a little). Not only that but I woke up with a major rash on each breast…and no one had seen anything like it before (it healed within a couple days but I swear it was from squeezing them so much). Next I tried to pump which didn’t do any good because my milk hadn’t come in yet. Thankfully someone sent the lactation consultant to come work with me. She spent a couple hours with us, at this point Zachary would latch and not suck consistently (as long as he wasn’t traumatized by people forcing him onto my breast…which made him scream and less likely to cooperate). I think the most positive thing that came out of our time with Sarah was that she was positive and not forceful. She told us that I was doing everything correctly and I had enough milk, however we just needed Z to do his part and he just didn’t understand what he needed to do. The rest of the day I expressed myself a meal ahead so that I wasn’t trying to express while he was hungry…so basically I became the cow and the milk maid. This worked really well (considering) and I became good friends with the nursery staff who would see me coming and get a fresh syringe and my milk from the fridge. At this point I was expressing 5-8 ml.
My milk came in on the day we left so when we got to the apartment I started using my dual electric pump (people thought I was crazy to get it but it has been a lifesaver). Then I made an appointment to have Sarah, the lactation consultant, come visit us and have another go at it. She was realistic and knew things may not work perfectly so she came with another idea. At this point had a lot more than a few ml of milk and the syringe wasn’t practical. So we started tube feeding. Basically I pumped into a bottle and Adam or I would stick a finger into Zachary’s mouth and when he started sucking we would slide a thin tube into his mouth and the other end into the bottle of milk. This way he could self regulate and we were training him to suck correctly. This worked really well for a few days…we still had to supplement if he was hungry and I hadn’t pumped yet. We had Sarah come by once more and we got him feeding for a couple min.
Yesterday Z decided to stop sucking correctly and he hadn’t fed on his own since Sarah…he just latches then looks at me like “now what”. Between that and losing the bonding cuddle time you should get…not to mention that my milk is stimulated by the sound of my pump and not my babies cry I decided to go with a bottle. I still pump so he gets my milk but I figured this kid already experiences nipple confusion and the tube was no longer working well (he started biting on our finger and not taking breaks causing milk to go all over him, plus I spilled the milk myself which is the most upsetting experience a) you literally take food from your baby b) you supplement for no reason c) it was such hard work!
The bottles have been wonderful, I am able to hold my baby and feed him at the same time. I don’t have to clean those annoying tubes between each feeding and we aren’t making as much of a mess. Plus I think it has helped his feeding skills (we try everyday when he is happy and alert). I am still hopeful…but until the little man decides to work with me my pump is my best friend!
Our first night in the hospital Zachary hadn’t eaten anything which is pretty normal since the babies are generally tired and not hungry, however with a baby that is underweight they need to make sure he eats. Since little Z wouldn’t feed on his own (at this point he wouldn’t latch) my colostrum had to be expressed by hand and given by syringe every 2-3 hours. When I say expressed by hand I mean just that…the nurses and midwives took turns milking me. In the beginning I was able to express about 1 ml. This wasn’t enough to get some weight on the boy so I had to supplement with formula. I kind of figured we would need to do this at some point but I was hoping not the first night of his life.
On day 2 the day shift midwife came in and was adamant about stopping the formula and getting him to feed…she sent her assistant Julia (she said she was the best at hand expressing because she worked on a farm) to be my personal milk maid for the day. Anytime I wasn’t being milked I laid skin to skin with Zachary and every time he started rooting (looking for food) I called the midwife and we would try to get him to latch. Before Adam left for the evening (he wasn’t allowed to stay) Zachary had latched (no sucking) and I was expressing almost 4 ml every few hours so it was looking like we wouldn’t need the formula and that soon enough he would be feeding. However that night the nurses (who were not as skilled as Julia) weren’t able to express enough and we had to supplement again. I felt awful…not that we needed to use the formula (anything to get my baby the nutrients he needed) but because it was like we back tracked.
In the morning of day 3 before Adam got to the hospital I made the midwife give me another option…anything to get him to latch and suck at the same time. She said she didn’t recommend a nipple shield but it was something. I was all for it! Zachary was able to latch and fed for 20 min before he started crying. I pulled him off and noticed I was bleeding (not a lot…but enough that he may have gotten a little). Not only that but I woke up with a major rash on each breast…and no one had seen anything like it before (it healed within a couple days but I swear it was from squeezing them so much). Next I tried to pump which didn’t do any good because my milk hadn’t come in yet. Thankfully someone sent the lactation consultant to come work with me. She spent a couple hours with us, at this point Zachary would latch and not suck consistently (as long as he wasn’t traumatized by people forcing him onto my breast…which made him scream and less likely to cooperate). I think the most positive thing that came out of our time with Sarah was that she was positive and not forceful. She told us that I was doing everything correctly and I had enough milk, however we just needed Z to do his part and he just didn’t understand what he needed to do. The rest of the day I expressed myself a meal ahead so that I wasn’t trying to express while he was hungry…so basically I became the cow and the milk maid. This worked really well (considering) and I became good friends with the nursery staff who would see me coming and get a fresh syringe and my milk from the fridge. At this point I was expressing 5-8 ml.
My milk came in on the day we left so when we got to the apartment I started using my dual electric pump (people thought I was crazy to get it but it has been a lifesaver). Then I made an appointment to have Sarah, the lactation consultant, come visit us and have another go at it. She was realistic and knew things may not work perfectly so she came with another idea. At this point had a lot more than a few ml of milk and the syringe wasn’t practical. So we started tube feeding. Basically I pumped into a bottle and Adam or I would stick a finger into Zachary’s mouth and when he started sucking we would slide a thin tube into his mouth and the other end into the bottle of milk. This way he could self regulate and we were training him to suck correctly. This worked really well for a few days…we still had to supplement if he was hungry and I hadn’t pumped yet. We had Sarah come by once more and we got him feeding for a couple min.
Yesterday Z decided to stop sucking correctly and he hadn’t fed on his own since Sarah…he just latches then looks at me like “now what”. Between that and losing the bonding cuddle time you should get…not to mention that my milk is stimulated by the sound of my pump and not my babies cry I decided to go with a bottle. I still pump so he gets my milk but I figured this kid already experiences nipple confusion and the tube was no longer working well (he started biting on our finger and not taking breaks causing milk to go all over him, plus I spilled the milk myself which is the most upsetting experience a) you literally take food from your baby b) you supplement for no reason c) it was such hard work!
The bottles have been wonderful, I am able to hold my baby and feed him at the same time. I don’t have to clean those annoying tubes between each feeding and we aren’t making as much of a mess. Plus I think it has helped his feeding skills (we try everyday when he is happy and alert). I am still hopeful…but until the little man decides to work with me my pump is my best friend!
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