Our first night in the hospital Zachary hadn’t eaten anything which is pretty normal since the babies are generally tired and not hungry, however with a baby that is underweight they need to make sure he eats. Since little Z wouldn’t feed on his own (at this point he wouldn’t latch) my colostrum had to be expressed by hand and given by syringe every 2-3 hours. When I say expressed by hand I mean just that…the nurses and midwives took turns milking me. In the beginning I was able to express about 1 ml. This wasn’t enough to get some weight on the boy so I had to supplement with formula. I kind of figured we would need to do this at some point but I was hoping not the first night of his life.
On day 2 the day shift midwife came in and was adamant about stopping the formula and getting him to feed…she sent her assistant Julia (she said she was the best at hand expressing because she worked on a farm) to be my personal milk maid for the day. Anytime I wasn’t being milked I laid skin to skin with Zachary and every time he started rooting (looking for food) I called the midwife and we would try to get him to latch. Before Adam left for the evening (he wasn’t allowed to stay) Zachary had latched (no sucking) and I was expressing almost 4 ml every few hours so it was looking like we wouldn’t need the formula and that soon enough he would be feeding. However that night the nurses (who were not as skilled as Julia) weren’t able to express enough and we had to supplement again. I felt awful…not that we needed to use the formula (anything to get my baby the nutrients he needed) but because it was like we back tracked.
In the morning of day 3 before Adam got to the hospital I made the midwife give me another option…anything to get him to latch and suck at the same time. She said she didn’t recommend a nipple shield but it was something. I was all for it! Zachary was able to latch and fed for 20 min before he started crying. I pulled him off and noticed I was bleeding (not a lot…but enough that he may have gotten a little). Not only that but I woke up with a major rash on each breast…and no one had seen anything like it before (it healed within a couple days but I swear it was from squeezing them so much). Next I tried to pump which didn’t do any good because my milk hadn’t come in yet. Thankfully someone sent the lactation consultant to come work with me. She spent a couple hours with us, at this point Zachary would latch and not suck consistently (as long as he wasn’t traumatized by people forcing him onto my breast…which made him scream and less likely to cooperate). I think the most positive thing that came out of our time with Sarah was that she was positive and not forceful. She told us that I was doing everything correctly and I had enough milk, however we just needed Z to do his part and he just didn’t understand what he needed to do. The rest of the day I expressed myself a meal ahead so that I wasn’t trying to express while he was hungry…so basically I became the cow and the milk maid. This worked really well (considering) and I became good friends with the nursery staff who would see me coming and get a fresh syringe and my milk from the fridge. At this point I was expressing 5-8 ml.
My milk came in on the day we left so when we got to the apartment I started using my dual electric pump (people thought I was crazy to get it but it has been a lifesaver). Then I made an appointment to have Sarah, the lactation consultant, come visit us and have another go at it. She was realistic and knew things may not work perfectly so she came with another idea. At this point had a lot more than a few ml of milk and the syringe wasn’t practical. So we started tube feeding. Basically I pumped into a bottle and Adam or I would stick a finger into Zachary’s mouth and when he started sucking we would slide a thin tube into his mouth and the other end into the bottle of milk. This way he could self regulate and we were training him to suck correctly. This worked really well for a few days…we still had to supplement if he was hungry and I hadn’t pumped yet. We had Sarah come by once more and we got him feeding for a couple min.
Yesterday Z decided to stop sucking correctly and he hadn’t fed on his own since Sarah…he just latches then looks at me like “now what”. Between that and losing the bonding cuddle time you should get…not to mention that my milk is stimulated by the sound of my pump and not my babies cry I decided to go with a bottle. I still pump so he gets my milk but I figured this kid already experiences nipple confusion and the tube was no longer working well (he started biting on our finger and not taking breaks causing milk to go all over him, plus I spilled the milk myself which is the most upsetting experience a) you literally take food from your baby b) you supplement for no reason c) it was such hard work!
The bottles have been wonderful, I am able to hold my baby and feed him at the same time. I don’t have to clean those annoying tubes between each feeding and we aren’t making as much of a mess. Plus I think it has helped his feeding skills (we try everyday when he is happy and alert). I am still hopeful…but until the little man decides to work with me my pump is my best friend!
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