Nursing #2

I don't know if it's common to ask the mom of a newborn how nursing is going or if people ask me because of my situation with Zack. Either way I never really like answering that question, not because it's personal but because I honestly don't know what to say.
Basically we had difficulty from the start. We met with the lactation consultant several times before leaving the hospital and she ended up recommending a nipple shield. Already we are 100% better than Zack and I were. Zack screamed bloody murder from the get go and by the time he was 2 months old he had taken a couple gulps from the source but was so distraught that he spit it all up. Hunter on the other hand wants so badly to nurse. The shield helps a lot but it still takes five minutes for him to find and latch to it. He is also very messy. Basically to nurse I need to (almost) strip down, cover the seat in blankets and sit still until he is done. There have been a few days wher he refuses completely and I pump or give formula. I also pump or use formula when we go out since the situation may not be ideal plus I have a fear of Zack running away and me having to chase him while fixing my shirt.
Major Mom Confession: I don't enjoy nursing, and I don't see it as a bonding experience. I don't hate it but I certainly don't love it. It really bothers me when people try to "help" when they didn't have any issues past week 1.
I was certain I had done my time with the pump and I figured that I couldn't possibly have nursing issues with my second child. I am thankful for the shield, my pump and formula...however what I was hoping for was the convenience of nursing and not having to wash bottles or the magical bonding moment I hear about. I love my baby. Hunter and I have plenty of bonding moments. I haven't lost hope that we will eventually work things out, but I worry that I have been drained emotionally. I was surprisingly calm as Zack screamed 8-10 times a day but I found myself on the verge of tears the other day when Hunters refusal and loud screams brought me back.
As a mom we have so many expectations of ourselves...having an enjoyable nursing experience is one of them. Even though I still have hope things will work themselves out I have allowed myself to let go of that expectation and see it as something I do for my family.